Recently I had a girlfriend complain to me about how distressed she was. She met this guy and they got along really well and even exchanged contact information. They’d spend every spare minute calling and texting each other, it was evident she was into him as much as he was into her and an intimate relationship was on its way of already forming.

Then all of a sudden, he stopped calling. He barely replied her chats though he was always online and he when he did, he never showed interest in knowing how her day had been or all that stuff, he no longer initiated conversations and with each passing moment, she began to feel more and more like a pest to him.

My female instincts of course jumped to the conclusion that he had a girlfriend now and he wanted to end things with my friend. A male friend of ours said maybe he was just really busy at the moment with work and she should try talking to him about how she feels. So she did. Turns out he really was busy with work, like super busy (or so he claims). I don’t buy all of it though, he still doesn’t call and never texts. She took one of my advice and stopped texting him and then out of the blue, he texted her and now she’s back to texting him but only once a day and that’s to enquire about how his day went, she won’t pursue him any longer no matter how strong her feelings for him are.

I’m of the conviction that no matter how busy someone gets, if you’re important to them, they’ll make you a priority without any excuses. 

It’s a bit tricky. Does he really like her? Does he not like her? Does he want something with her? Is he into her? How can a girl tell?

9 Unmistakable Signs He’s Just Not That Into You 

1. You initiate all contact… Until you stop. At first, it’s always you asking about his day or hinting at hitting the coffee machine at the same time. But when you stop because you’re tired of being ignored, rejected or given the “we’ll see” response, he’s suddenly the one initiating contact.

Even if it’s possible that he has just realized that he likes you, it’s more likely that he’s realized that he’s lost someone who makes him feel desirable.

2. There’s sporadic contact. You send him a text today, and it takes him days to respond. A guy who genuinely fancies you should reply within the day at least, right? So what gives?

He was probably occupied at the time you texted, but that doesn’t mean he can’t spare a few seconds to reply. Chances are, the day he replies is the day he’s just bored.

3. You get short, generic responses. Does it always feel like whenever you invite him for coffee or to catch up, his response is, “I’ll check my sched,” or “I’ll let you know,” or “Hmmm…” Shady responses lets him keep you in suspense, but be warned, if he really wants to have that coffee with you, he’ll either set up the time and place or he’ll say yes to your suggestion.

4. He’s spontaneous… almost too spontaneous! It feels great when we get swept off our feet by a surprise date. But when it’s always a surprise and nothing ever gets planned, that’s when things start to get fishy. Is it because he abhors making plans? Or could it be because his plans got cancelled and he knows you’d always be willing to hang out with him?

5. You’re never alone with him. He always seems to have a handy group of friends who are conveniently around when you’re on a date. You notice that it’s starting to feel like a pattern and you never get to have a heart-to-heart conversation with him. Take this as a polite hint that he sees you only as a friend.

6. Conversations only revolve around him or around you. If it only revolves around him, then this can be a sign that he’s a bit of a narcissist and you’re just there to provide the added ego boost for him.

If the conversations are always about you and never about personal details in his life, then he may be trying to keep you in the dark about his life. Complicated reason: He’s an international superspy. Simple reason: He wants to keep you out of his inner circle.

7. He’s passing you onto another guy. It can be a nice gesture since he knows you’re looking for romance with him, but he’s not interested. To deflect your advances, he can do this so subtly that you’ll hardly notice it. It can start off with introducing you to one of his mates, and later on commenting that you really hit it off with his friend. Then he’ll give his friend your number so you can start texting. The guy whom you thought was your match is actually a matchmaker!

8.  “Us” doesn’t exist online or offline.After a few dates, you’d like to make it somewhat official, right? But when you find that you’re always introduced as just a friend or those couple-selfies both of you take so often never see the light of day, then your guy might not be ready to tell people about you.

9. You’re having doubts. The great thing about most men is that they can be pretty straightforward. If they like you, they’ll do what they can to let you know. And if they don’t, they can also be painfully blunt about it. However, if you still find yourself trying to decipher every little gesture, then his signs are obviously not clear enough. Ambiguity in itself tells you that he’s not going the extra mile to make sure his feelings are obvious. Do you really want to play the guessing game all your life?

(A huge Thanks to Love Panky for these pro signs.) 

I don’t want to influence my girlfriend’s decision directly, but I hope this post of mine, when she reads it, will help shed some light on her situation. I really feel for her. Unrequited love hurts in more ways than we are willing to admit.