Today is Monday I wanna talk Weddings!

I’ve always said that I don’t want a loud wedding. Now, this is inconsistent with my personality, because, I have always loved the limelight and adore being in the public view, but, you see for my wedding, I want a very quiet and small wedding.

Get this right. I am not ashamed to say that part of my reasons for making this choice is money. Who shame epp sef. Its not like I won’t be wealthy, see sef, I only have two options in this life. It’s either I’m very wealthy or I’m very very wealthy. But, my mentality is simple. Why spend so much to entertain people, when there’s a whole long life of many many years in front of you and your wife and kids. To me, its a completely bad business investment.

Another reason is my personality. My wedding will comfortably attract nothing less than 1000 people. And this is not a joke. The teenagers alone that will come for my wedding can even pass this number. Some days back, a friend of mine was teasing me. She said that the Association of all my Ex(s) will even wear a special Ankara. HayGod. You see bad people.

And that’s just from my side. I am not even talking about the people from my babe’s side.

I heard that makeup can get up to N250,000 for just that day, and the cost of wedding gowns are just freaking scary. And you only wear it for just a day. Let’s not even begin to talk about feeding, renting of the hall, and the other expenses I can’t think off now.

This is the reason many young guys are running away from getting married. The cost alone can give them heart attack. Its crazy. Many of us don’t talk about it, but, silently die under the pressure.

Our ladies are not even helping matters. Talk to the girl next door and she tells you of a fairy tale wedding with her white gown flowing all over, done in a massive hotel hall, lights and glitz all around. She says nothing about how they will feed after the wedding, she says nothing about school fees or medical bills. No, all she thinks about is how she would look like a princess on that day.

Bella Naija and Aso Ebi Bella aren’t helping matters too. They have built up a complex that has become the standard for judgement.

My question, why are we doing this to ourselves. Why are we setting expectations that would hurt us rather than help us. Who are we trying to impress.

For heavens sake, its a one day event. Life doesn’t stop there. In case you didn’t hear me, I repeat myself. Its a one day event.

For me, I want something calm. We could actually have a really really awesome wedding without going over board. I have said the only thing I would be ready to spend good money on is photography. I like good pictures, and they are memories.

My plan is to get a good hall. Small one, cosy and sweet, for just 300 people. Decorated well, good lightening, great photography, three hour event, and I carry my babe home abeg. No strength for stress. You’ll do wedding till 6pm. What are you people doing.

Have you even thought of themed weddings. The novelty of these ideas will cover up for the low-key nature of your wedding. You could do a buffet wedding for just 200 people. Feed them very well. They will be happy sef. Don’t forget that even in big and rich weddings, no be everybody dey see food chop. How about a cocktail wedding. How about a coffee and donuts wedding (just have it early in the morning, 7-10am). Well, just think outside the box sha.

Abeg, I’m tired of writing already.

Don’t go and put yourself in trouble. A big wedding is not a measure of your masculinity.

NB: If you feel you must attend my wedding, no wahala, I’ll sell Tickets.
Single 7k
Double 15k
Table for ten 1million.