Man is a relational being, and tends to gravitate towards the line where warmth and respect is accorded. Many a time the challenge remains maintaining such union for a time, evident in the constant heart break and betrayals experienced often.
Even the very best a person gives into a relationship often turns sour, overlooked, neglected and of non-importance. This is often frustrating and in a way demeaning, as it often raises the question of love and understanding.
It may interest you to know that relationship isn’t too complex as it seems if the right strategy is infused. At best it becomes interesting, exhilarating and beautiful.
These strategies are often what we’ve known but hardly practise, things we’ve delved to the background as unimportant.
I would call these strategy “capsules for healthy relationships.”
1. Why are you in a relationship?
Firstly, relationship fails because purpose is not defined, why we go into certain ties determines how long we are willing to stick to it, how much resources we are willing to sacrifice and fashions our view to the respect of our partner.
So define why you are into a relationship, probably because you intend to achieve academic excellence so you sorted someone who could help you achieve that; or you were lag financially, so hooked up with a lavishing dude who could water your taste. Or more still someone of higher spirituality because that’s a laxity you intend to fill. Every relationship has a visible or hidden motive to it, identify yours and you are on a way to having a blissful and lasting one.
2. Know your partner
One of the most frustrating event in a relationship is not knowing the very basic information about your partner, your partners full name, address etc.
It sends a message that you really are not into each other.
Knowing your partner builds on the reason why that relationship came into existence, if it were your financial means you wanted to meet you might naturally stop at knowing what type of car, house or business your partner deals with and that is not indebt enough, but the purpose of the relationship and place a limit on height of knowledge you could attain.
there are also other areas of knowledge for those whose goal of a relationship is broader and devoid of greed.
If you must have a lasting relationship then you must have a handle on the temperament of your partner, why they act the way they do. It fashions your reaction to certain behaviours and tantrums that may surface during sour times. Also help you navigate past the blocks that forms their mind-set to an attitude or character consistently displayed giving you a description of help where necessary.
It also brings to fore the psychological makeup of your partner and how to address them when the need arises.
b. Love language.
Every relationship thrives on love, but how well do you know the language your partner understands? Besides temperament everyone has blend of love language the tune to for resonance of understanding.
According to Garry Chapman there are five major love language;
i. Words of affirmation
Sometimes, your partner needs to be encourage, when their grades in school is down they need to know you are still there and that they could better, fight further.
Sometimes they need to hear they are handsome and beautiful to strengthen their self- worth.
Speaking this words won’t cost you a dim but the sincerity of it could see you motivate your partner into become the very best.
ii. Receiving gifts
Many persons where brought up with gifts, usually as a reward for doing a thing well. This mind-set becomes a hold in their life and to some extent influence their mood.
Some persons would feel good, excellence or satisfied in what they do after receiving a gift from their partners. So if you have a grip of your partner’s love language you could easily respond and give him/her a face lift by a present no matter how small or cheap they seem.
iii. Quality time
Most other partners would require your attention, they always call for your presence, a discussion and most time they do the talking and you the listening and that satisfies them.
Pay attention as this would reveal vital information about deep thing bothering them.
iv. Act of service
Some others require act of service, like reading aloud to them when they are sick or praying with them when they are troubled. Many ways exist to drive home love to their perspective, make sure you are there to do just that.
v. Physical touch
I would advise that less of this be employed except for married couples.
All of this forms a bowl of knowledge you need to maintain a lasting relationship.
C. Correcting wrong
No matter your opinion about your partner do not contest their core values of life, you need to learn how to say the truth; in the right way, time place and tone.
The tendency of being wronged by your partner exist, after you both came from different tutelage, background and environmental formation.
Therefore, when trying to correct a wrong make sure your respect the dignity and integrity of your partner. Your correction should not be punitive but transformative in nature showing solidarity with the fact of you first putting yourself into your partner’s shoe and measuring your reaction if the same methodology is applied to you.
3. Never compare your partner.
One of the greatest mistake you could ever make in any relationship is comparing your partner with another person and wanting them to fill the void created by your craving.
Never expect Simi’s attitude on the head of David, it doesn’t work that way. The best you should expect from anyone is a better him/her and nothing more.
Appreciate and respect your partner for whom they are and not what you desire them to be.
4. Never gossip about them.
It’s far better to look them in the face and politely relay your grievance or challenge to them than spitting ravaging wild fire about them from the behind. You are going to lose their trust and may never gain it back.
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